Sabrina - Vee Zalani

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Just Me & My Silent Prayer

Life has been hectic.
What with me working in the super morning shift AKA the zombie shift AKA the graveyard shift..
Time's flying a lil' too fast..

Just 13 days ago (May 9th) marked my 3rd year working as a media research specialist here in Media Monitors Malaysia Sdn Bhd.
No really, wow..
I've only managed to stay at least 3 months in my previous work places, and I actually made it here for 3 years. Now that's an achievement! Yay me!

What's new.
Hm. Oh my sister is getting married in 9 days time from now. 9 DAYS man! Too much things going on I sometimes lost track of time.
My elder/eldest/only sister is finally getting married at 29 years old.

There's nothing more I could wish for but for the ceremonies to go smoothly, for both sides of our families, and a lifetime of happiness to both my sister and my future brother in law. Amin to that.

Oh me?
Oh please stop.
I have around 9 days til' I have to deal with people asking me when will it be my turn and such.
I'm not saying I'm prepared, but I just control myself from thinking too much about it.
I mean about the questions, not marriage!
Of course I've been thinking about marriage. I'm human too, remember? LOL.
But hey, as what I've posted just previously, INSHA'ALLAH.. God's willing. My knight in shining armor will come for me sooner or later.

For now, let's say I'm enjoying myself by living life to the fullest.

Well people has been asking if I'm seeing anyone. People are so curious because all they wanna be sure of is whether or not I'm really over with my previous relationship. I know how lucky I am to be loved by many, friends and families who actually cares. I know they don't want me to get on the wrong track all over again..

But what can I say, it has indeed been hard for me. To get over him. I think 4 years of a relationship is quite long enough. What with the rocky moments. Sometimes the rockiest, the worst of 'em all are the ones that's gonna leave a long lasting wound. 

SOMEHOW, I think I have successfully managed to finally get over him.

It's true when they say sometimes things tend to look hard if you keep thinking that it's hard. Unless you keep trying and don't give up. Put some efforts here and there instead of dwelling over it for nothing.
But yea, I've succeeded. I stopped thinking about him like how I used to.

And then there was this one time. This one night when I was sitting all alone and thought about all those hurtful things and hard times that I went through with him. And then it sorta gave me a snap, back to reality.
I cried and told myself if I keep going back, if I keep telling him I miss him, he'd tell me that he has been missing me too and we get to talk to each other, that's when shit will never stop. Why? Because I'd be the one who'd give him all the privilege to hurt me all over again. And I asked myself, how does all of this end? What would end this? Until when?
That night I prayed hard. Really hard.
I told Allah that if he's meant for me, then help him. Guide him to change. And make me stronger because I'm gonna need all the strength I can get to wait for him to change.

But if he's not, give me the strength to forget.
And bring me closer to that one person, who ever he could be, who may have been meant for me.

Surprisingly, just around that time, this one person came into my life. I'm not saying that I'm sure he's my soul mate. But it's just that, he came.
For how long that I have avoided from seeing a new man, for how long I have been trying hard to get over the previous one, this person came and we became friends.
We went out for a few times already, but all I can say is, we're really trying to take it one step at a time. Very very slowly.
Well if it's meant to be it's meant to be..

But I have to admit it, I do wish for this to be my last stop; if we're meant to be.
Sometimes I just get tired you know. And at one point I can't even imagine myself starting over again. Meeting new people. Trying to understand people. Trying to get people to understand me. Me and my wacky behavior. I'm pretty sure not everyone would fancy wacky people. I'm wacky, loud, unpredictable, I can be strong and weak at the same time. I can be loud and quiet at the same time. I can be moody and I'm pretty sure I'm emotional. But see, as a Muslim, I believe that each one of us has been destined with a partner. Destined since we were born. So yea. No matter how wacky I am, no matter how emotional I can be, I do know that some lucky guy out there is gonna love me for who I am. 

Okay whatever.
My english is bad. This is long. And boring.
No one is gonna read this anyway.
Sorry I can't reveal much about this 'new friend' of mine.
My reason is simple, its too soon. I don't wanna hope too much. But it's just gonna be me and my silent prayers.
And for now, I guess it's not wrong for me to...


Monday, May 5, 2014

That Feeling Once Again

Why do you have to come if you're not planning to stay?
Why do you make me fall for you just so you could leave