Thursday, September 24, 2009

....not now.

Time : 3.30Am
Location : My very own bedroom, Malacca

I’m feeling so damn sick.
Plus the fear of not waking up the next day is haunting me.
My lungs, or my chest, hurts so bad..
It’s been going on for a few days already.

When I’m lying on my bed to sleep, it kills me when I’m turning from side to side,..
It feels like my lungs are stuck in between, and it hurts.
At times, it’s even hard for me to catch my breathe.
Especially when I’m also having coughs at the same time..
When I wanted to cough, it’s like so suffering for me to take that breathe before coughing.

I’m afraid to sleep.
I’m afraid to think of that possibility that I might lose everything I have just because of one night that I decided to sleep.

Right at this very second, it’s aching still.

The very same pain..
Sometimes it gets even worst.

God please don’t let me die now.
Pls pls,

I’m so happy having my family around.
And I don’t wanna trouble them anymore.


sigh.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

road tax.

Yes I need to renew my road tax a.s.a.p before I drive back to Melaka.
And later in the evening, I'm gonna drop Ejan at KLIA.
She'll be going back to Sarawak for Hari Raya.
How excited it is to see someone going home that far to celebrate the festive season with the family.
I'm looking forward to follow any of my friends who lives far away from these big towns I've been living in.
Get a few days away from the hustle and bustle of the cities, since Melaka is gettin' so hectic already nowadays.
Where else can I go to get some peace of mind?

I need a few days off and away; without highways, without getting stucked in traffic jams, without having to rush here and there, without having the annoying view of cars and bikes squeezing here and there,without the irritating sounds that comes from those matremps' bikes and all.
*sigh*

Oh how nice it is to be in some kinda rural area, a real village, with paddy field looking oh so green and cooling in my eyes.. And there'll be a number of bulls, bullocks, chirping birds...
And a small wooden house right in the middle of the field.. (I'm putting aside the thought of leeches that I've never seen in reality before, and never ever wished to see them!!! eyew.)

And and...
At one part of the village, there'll be a river..
It'd be so great to chill by the riverbank, inhaling the fresh air.... Smells of grass, water, and the sun.. :)................................
..............................
....


HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Doink gila dak Vee ni.
You were talking about your freakin road tax la, gila!!!
Hahahahah.
Ok.
I need to renew my roadtax.
Lol.
See ya.

But wait.
Talking about those village thingy.
There's this friend of mine who's a Sabahan which I'm not sure which part of Sabah does she lives in.
Her name is Ramina.
A cute, petite little girl with such hugeee voice- I mean, loud.
And and, she's been telling me; that her father is a fisherman.
And they actually lives in a house that I do not know how to describe it precisely, but I can only imagine something like those Water Chalets at Avilion. :D
Ok her house would be right above the sea. As in floating?
And she said the seaview is beautiful and all.
Imagining it made me feel a lil bit at ease..
So calm and and... peaceful.
Just what I need!


But too bad, her sister passed away just a few days earlier.
The deceased has been suffering the 4th level of cancer since a few months ago.
Heard that when she was still alive, she already looked like a living corpse.
I guess letting her go would be better, Al-Fatihah.
And I feel so bad for Ramina because she can't go back to Sabah just yet, she already booked a flight a few days after Hari Raya.. Not expecting that her sister will go that soon.
And she has no money to actually get another flight back for the funeral and all.
I swear if I myself is not having trouble with money, I could have given her the ammount that she needs just as long as she gets to be with her fam during this hard, mourning time.
Because that's how it goes in friendship right.
A friend in need is a friend indeed. A friend during hard and good times.
I'm glad she understands.

Well, I guess we all have our own burdens. :)
Face the facts of life.
The wisest thing to do.

sad face icon

Thinking of having to drive back to KL in the morning on that very 2nd day of Hari Raya really broke my heart.
I know some of you might be used to it and might think that I'm exaggerating or whatever.
Ah say whatever.
This is my first time.
Been away from my fam. Been away from my own bedroom.
And on Hari Raya, I've only been given such limited time to spend with my loved ones.
How unfair.

Right.
I gotta work.
I have to really really start paying my debts.
I've been procrastinating in alot of stuffs since my whole life time I guess.
That habit I need to eliminate from myself.

I'm sorry papa, I'm sorry mama, I'm sorry ah yi..
I know I've been neglecting my responsibilities and failed to keep my promises and settle everything on time.
I'm trying.
I know I have to quit shopping for unnecessary stuffs.
I know I have to learn to be wiser in spending.

But still..
I won't be there on the 2nd day..
;(
Have I got no other choice?
Ah the thought of leaving my fam again makes me wanna cry.
Never mind.

And again, I truly wish that we could go to every single house that we used to go during the first day okay.
My cousin Fawaz said that he wanted to take me and my sis for drinks since his grandmom's place was always our last stop before we go back home on that first night of raya.
Can't promise him anything.
Work work work.

I'll be doin just fine kan?

=)

Salam Ramadhan & Aidilfitri, Faizal..
:)
and everybody.
Have a blessed one.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

b a s i c s c h o o l

Finally,
I've done with my first day of Basic School at Midvalley.

Woke up at 7++am, and called a cab to Mid.
Reached there at 9am.
Early doh..
I'm amazed with myself.
Lol.
The traffics memang "erghhhh" lah kan!!!

Just like everyone said, and which I never did agreed earlier,
training is fun!!!!
Just listening to Michelle, and she's nice..
We talked about fashion!!
No wonder she didn't got me bored!
I shouldn't have underestimated the whole basic school thingy in the first place!
It was just like those days in college.
The chairs with small flipped desks attached.
Projector, and whiteboards.
Learning about size convertion, D&P history, philosophy and all, fabrications; it was hella fun I tell you!!

I got so hyper when answering questions about fashion.
Trendsetters, our brands' celebs followers.
I got most of the answers correctly!!!
On Twiggy, on some designer names..
Hahaha..
Since my heart has been there into fashion in the first place kan.
Glad it's still there!

I'm still having fever and refused to go to the clinic when my aunt told me that she could take me.
I said I'll be fine, because I've had fever for like 3 times already lately.
And it must be my lack of concerns on my own body and health.

Ok i'mma give myself 1 day, and if it gets worst, to the clinic I go!

Hahaha..

Can't wait for the next training on Thursday!!!

nak nangis pls?

I miss my dad so much like seriously.
God knows!
Papa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


gnite,

t u e s d a y

I'm gonna have to get up at 6 something AM, get ready and drive to Midvalley tomorrow morning for my basic school!!
Yeay.. How fun that is, kan?

And the next one will be on Thursday...

And I'm so happy and can't wait till tomorrow comes!
Yippie!

Goodnight smart people!
Kisses!

Monday, September 14, 2009

i'm gonna spit on your face.

For me, being nice to people is not an option.
As far as I'm concerned, and the last time I checked, I'm being no one else but myself.
I can say this and that, but only God knows the truth.
How real I am.
As in friendship nor relationship.
And for now, I guess I'm still sticking to my principle; just be silent; let em people stab me, thousands or a million times, let it be.
As I've always said, I'm a nobody to judge, or to punish my own species.

God is great.

I'm not expecting to see anyone falling.
But I sympathized, when people repeating the same action that will lead them into hell on earth!!!

Don't tell me I didn't warned you.
Don't make me slap you with the truth again and again.

If I'm the one who's making up stories, I won't be blogging bout this shit and to be like you, a triple dumbass, has never, ever, crossed my mind.
Stupid fool.

Lil girl, grow up.
If u're not satisfied, come clean, spit it right in front of me.
Come meet me up.
Rather than talking cocks and bulls about me.

Got it?
No?

Ah I forgot, u were borned stupid and never thought of ways to try and learn to be at least an inch smarter,
My bad.

Toodles.

I'm too kind. And I'm proud of it.

Dedicated to a girl. A little girl.

Keep pretending.
Keep talking shit behind my back.
Keep making a fool out of yourself by telling people about me, when we only talked face to face for once and only, and it was not more or less than what, 15 mins??

Just one, final message from me;
You were the one who kept asking me shits and pushing me so hard till I had to spit the truths. But never did I know u are that dumb for acting how u acted.
So please dont ever come to me when things I said happened to u.

-period-

Friday, September 11, 2009

Fresh tears dripping down.


"Please have a thought

To raise both of you all these years with me might not be the best moments both of u had...and I am sorry for that. As for me, both of u r always my babies n its always hard 4 me to accept both of u have grown up and letting both of u go is always my worst nightmare after being with both of u all these while."
Taken from an email sent to me; from my dad.


Friends, do u agree, if I said; even a murderer, will quit murdering when his son/or daughter tells him to do so?

Papa,

I admit, as a normal kid, sometimes the word 'hate' did came out from my mouth everytime u made me felt down and didn't approved me to do this and that.

But I swear to God, never did I meant it. NEVER.

I know you know how close you and I were when I was that little girl that you piggiebacked, the little girl that you tickled and teased until she cried, the little girl who bought a small box of raisins and wrapped it with a piece of cartooned wrapping paper and gave it to you on your birthday just because she can't afford to buy you anything much.
The little girl who easily cry even being scolded for a tiny mistake.

The last child of our small fam, is me.
I've always thought that I will always be the blacksheep of the fam.
And it was hard for me to try to be somebody else.
After primary school I got so lazy to do my homeworks, mixed with the wrong crowd and started to fail in numbers of subjects.

I failed to be a smart daughter to you.

One that you could be proud to tell people about.

I was embarassed myself when my cousins are now all around the world pursuing their dreams, studying in numerous countries, France, Machester, Aussie; u name it.

Universities.

While me?

I have a diploma, but I never have the heart for it because it was never my interest to study what I've studied there. I'm not blaming you everytime I said I went to that college because you didn't let me go to the college that I wanted to go. No.
But just simply to let you know, how much I love you that I am willing to sacrifice my own needs.

We; you, mama, kakak and me: we been thru alot. Like alot.
Alot like those people who's been talking never did know before they decided to talk.
They can say whatever.
Because in the end, it will be the four of us standing up for our rights as a family.


All the dark pasts we had, it's all obstacles that God created to keep us closer.
Trust me.
All those pain that we felt all along, I somehow believe that it's a key to something better that's coming ahead of us.

And, yes.. We will always be your babies. Even until we get married, even until we die or when the world comes crashing on us. No one, on this earth can replace you in our heart and our life.
I don't need to promise you on that because I know it's a fact.

Friends, boyfriends, enemies can come and go from my life.

But my family, especially you, mom and kakak; I promise that we'll stick together no matter what happened...

I, might not be that daughter who makes u proud before.
But, there's a promise that I made to myself that I wont be bragging about for now, as I meant for it to be proven.

I messed up, here and there.
I'm gonna be 22 in a few months time.
And yet, I still don't even know how to cook.
I'm more like a boy; some says.
And trust me, it's not a good thing for even myself to hear.
Being away from you for now, I intended it to be a path that I took, to make myself learn to be independent. As some people started to call me a spoiled brat, etc etc.

I hate it.

And its hard. Living on my own, standing on my own feet.
But I'm still here, still trying.
And believe me, it will benefit all of us- at least on that one very fine day.


WE ARE ALWAYS AROUND. WE WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER BE WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT. I DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE TOLD YOU ABOUT ME COZ I BELIEVE THAT YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THEY DO. SO JUST LIKE ME, YOU DONT HAVE TO BOTHER WHAT THEY GOT TO SAY ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE ARE YOUR BABIES, AND YOUR BABIES KNOWS YOU BETTER EVEN WE DON'T TALK THAT MUCH- WE DON'T NEED TALKS. WE ARE FAMILY. YOU ARE MY FATHER. AND THE FACT REMAINS THAT WAY EVEN AFTER THE SECOND THAT I EXHALE MY LAST BREATH.

Hello Malaysia.

Fever's getting worst!
And I've lost my sense of taste..
It is so annoying to sip Ribena without getting the taste of blackcurrent.
It's even annoying to suck on the blackcurrent strepsils but its tasteless.

I lost my sense of smell!
I can't get the feeling of sniffing my nice smell-smelly pillow =)
My nose is blocked.
I wish my dad is here to get me an inhaler.
I know I can get it myself, but I want it that way.

And and.
Raya's comin closerrrrrrrrrrr~

Whhheeeeee~

And I heard that my JB and Aussie fam will be joining us on the first day of raya..
I'm glad that I'll be around!!!

I wish we could actually go to every single house that we used to drop by till late night of the first day.
So that I can go back to KL the next day with satisfaction.
Oh sedih.

Takpe...
Cari rezekiii..

Lalalala~

*giggle giggle*


The perfect homemade coconut icecream at Phad Thai Restaurant USJ Taipan.
Perfect dessert for buka puasa.
:PP

SABRINA!!!!!

Demam lagi?!!!!!!!!!!!!

Laughters.

Lol.
Lol.
I know everything now!!!!!

Yey me!!!

*congratulating myself*

Thursday, September 10, 2009

2 diff worlds, 2 diff lives..

... that sets us apart..

Facts accepted.
No more Miss Deny...

*smiles*

Time to break free, for truths are now kept safely in my mind and heart.
A -fucking- full stop.
Here.







Your friendship costs not even a cent to yourself.
No value.
Unlike mine.
:)

Gila datang lagi.

Im still up, surfing some online shopping sites.
And I have to get up latest at 8am tomorrow, working morning shift..
And and I am having so much fun being me.
And I drank lost of water and had less food lately.
And and I'm carrying a big baggage in my belly.
And and I believe that's what makes the men keeping away from me.
And and, do I look like i care if I'm fugly?
No longer.

Haha seriously, am I nutsy futsy or what icky wicky?
Dah lah mari beradu, anakanda anakanda.

Dududududu~ (lullaby)

Latina Vodka

The name sounds cute tho.
Lol.

By the wayyyy....

Yes as we all know, Hari Raya is just right around the corner, and God knows how I can't wait to go back to my hometown and celebrate the special day with my most missed fam, everyone.
I've been homesick for quite some time now, but I chose to stay for I've got my own goals to achieve. :)

I've got some plans lined up on my head.
Good ones.
And honestly, it's hard getting to them but I'm trying.
Pray for me.

I'm also trying to not just talking the talks.
Lol.

Have faith.

Goodnight, and God bless you, everybody.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

For Sale

TOPSHOP corset top.
Black & White stripes.
One of our best sellers.
Unworn (just a couple of times of trying before I purchased it)
Selling price at RM 130- 150 (can nego)
Bought at RM 183.00
Apologize for the crumpledness, will iron before passing it to any buyer.
=)
Unpresentable, I know
Size: UK 8 / Euro 36 / US 4 / Small


Back view: zipper


Front view: wired- just like a corset supposed to be


Full view: Best matched with a pair of jeans, and you're hot and sizzling enough to go.
=)

999.

Ooof it's 090909 already, I didn't noticed earlier.
Lol.
Nothing special happened on this date, or will happen.
So, just a normal day.
Same old day..

Working, thinking, wondering, walking, sicking, healing, bla bla and bla bla.

Oh hello.

My name is Sabrina.
And just like everybody else, I'm an alien.

Regards.

Friday, September 4, 2009

A day off. But still..

Do not snatch away my happiness again, and I beg.
It was quite a tiring day for me. Had my day off, and spent almost the whole day at Pav with mom, Lisz and my sister. Bought some stuffs. Had our break fast at Thai Base. And off to NZ Natural for our desserts..
Then Lisz accompanied me sending mom and my sis back to Nilai.
Had quite some good time.
Good, quality girls day out.
Heh.
Will upload some pics maybe later on.
Im feeling so down, no doubt.
Sigh.
Things are now back on the wrong track.
Keeping myself accompanied with a smile might be a good way to make me feel better.
A sincere or even an unsincere one.
That's called trying.
Night ppl. Have a good one.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Cold.




Handsome kan?
*smiles*

Who's he?
The person that I mentioned a few times here.
The one who left me 7 years ago.

See?
He's smiling at me.
Align Center
God knows how much I'm missing u..


"Sabrina i love you no doubt, day in and day out..."
And so he said that..
=)



Al- Fatihah
Mohamad Faizal B. Hassan
14th April 1987-31st August 2002
Rest In Peace,
baby..

Small little KL, indeed.

Oh by the way.

I bumped into one of my ex's last night at KLCC!!!
Kan I said I had dinner at Chinoz, when I was walking back to Chinoz from the ladies with Lisz, I noticed she was looking excited and surprisingly at this couple who walked passed us and I thought she was saying something to me as I was telling her about Escada's clearance sale!

And after a couple of steps she was like, "Oh my God!!! Don't you know who that is?!!!"
She said it was my ex, and he saw us and he even looked back at us with a smile.
That time we were already outside and reaching Chinoz. I could have stopped and said Hi kan since it's been years!! He was my bf 6 years ago kot.
Lol.

By the way, yesterday when I was at work, I noticed a guy looking at me until he came up to me and he was like, "Vee kan??" I got startled a lil and made the kinda look which meant to say, "huh???" And he kept asking me, "Vee kan??"
Until I answered him "yes.." He was like, "Yessss!!!!!~" with a satisfaction look. He just said "Nanti lah I cakap dekat MySpace.." And he walked out of the store excitedly. I even noticed a couple of guys coming in and out like they were lost, looking at me. I dont know if they were friends.
When I got back and online, one of my guesses were right. He was a friend of mine, one of the Irama's boys. Sheeesh.. I hate to wonder on surprises. Hahaha..

And last night, when I was at the ATM machine at B1, a guy, a foreigner, asked me if he can use the Ambank ATM machine to withdraw money since he's using CIMB.
He came to Topman, and saw me at the cashier counter. He first asked me if I'm working there. After making his payment, he actually came to me and asked me if he could get my number. So, -customer service; I just said that I'll always be here. Real message was; I dont easily give out my digits. And you should've understood.
Instead, he said, "Can I give u my number?"
So I just passed him a pen and paper. And there was his name, and his digits which I forgot where I put it.

What a day. What a yesterday. Lol.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A wish come true.

Yeay!
After those days of craving, finally!!!
My God..
Heavenly...
I had a large, 3scoops cup of 3 flavoured icecreams; English Toffee, Macadamia, and Butterscotch Walnut! Yerrr.. Butterscotch, irresistable!!
I went for berbuka puasa buffet at Thai Base with Lisz and Eric Esa earlier.
We had lotsss of food and filled our stomachs until we can't walk!
I had my fav butter prawns, a dish that you gotta have when you're at Thai Base. =)
After berbuka, Eric drove us to Desa Park City and fulfilled my wish!
It turned out to be a so-called wish for me since we started fasting, and I don't easily have the time to hang out there and the least that I could do is go for late night dinner or supper at Uptown because Desa Park City closes early like any other shopping malls.
And again, yeayyy!!!
He brought along his camera, took the photo of the Waterfront thingy, chitchat, and on the way sending us home, he realised that he didn't take any photos with us. Lol.
I said, there will always be next time.
I will always be craving again and again for NZ natural.
Teehee.
There goes another day,..
I miss my E.
My handsome drug.
Lol. Lol.

Happy Birthday Eric Esa


I had fun last night.
Celebrating Eric Esa's birthday and breaking fast with him at Chinoz on the park Klcc.
And we stayed until 10++pm, chit chatting with Eric..

We had quite some good issues of conversations.
:)

I am thankful to have people still cares for me.


Next destination



Ahaaa... Di manakah??
RAHSIAAAA....
Lol Lol.