Wednesday, December 31, 2008
1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags backs! (well let's get it on..)
1. I'm a sniffer. :) I have a bantal busuk,(which I think I'm not the only one who has it), but it comes with a t-shirt of my bf who passed away 7yrs ago. I sniff the tees more than the pillow.:) So for 7 years, I've been sniffing the same old grey reebok tees.
2. I used to have the thoughts of suicide- it happened so often. Like 3times a week?
3. I blow my nose using some dirty laundry that I could grab near me- it happens mostly in my room, so no worries. I'm only harmful to my own laundry. pft
4. I bite my nails. (Same with Haneey's)
5. I used to light a torch into my eyes as long as I could with my eyes wide opened. I intended to get my eyes damaged and so I could wear glasses.(I still wanna wear them now, but I dont stare into a torch anymore tho.)
6. I take a very long time to get ready, trying and dumping clothes, and will end up tossing the clothes that I didn't picked to wear everywhere.(and end up gettin scolded by mamzie. Teehee)
7. I tend to buy lots of clothes/shoes/accessories- but mostly will stay unworn until it's being dumped in the bin sometimes.
8. I buy clothes, wear it once or never at all. Lost my interest easily, I guess.
9. I talk to myself or to the mirror- every single day.
10. I sleep with oh-so-many-other things on my bed. For example right now, there's the tank top I wore last night, the aircond's remote control, earring, a teddy bear mr boyfie just gave me, dumbells, a Business Maths textbook along with 2 notepads and some separated notes, a story book, my pencil case, my handphone, and a large water bottle.
Sometimes the things get lesser, most of the times it gets more. *grins*
Sabrina (the other one. lol)
And sape2 la yang nak buat.
Biar abadi, walau pahit.
Yang lepas, akan aku biar berlalu.
Biar semua sesalan dibawa angin, biar jauh pergi dariku.
Yang salah, bukan kuasa ku untuk menghukum
Biar diadili oleh yang Satu.
Yang benar, biar aku benamkan dalam lubuk hati.
Biar menjeruk di situ.
Kerana aku akan mampu senyum bila memikirkannya.
Biar walau sekarang aku hidup dalam penipuan.
Kerana dengan ada nya Agama, aku percaya akan wujudnya Tuhan.
Dan dengan adanya Tuhan, aku tahu semua akan baik baik sahaja.
Semua sudah tertulis.
Kalau susah, akan adanya senang dengan usaha.
Kalau senang dan terus mensyukuri, akan murah lah lagi rezeki.
Dan kalau senang dan bongkak meninggi tak bertempat, pasti akan ada waktu jatuhnya.
Hikmah akan sentiasa ada.
Untuk si senang mengingati kuasa dan kekayaan yang lebih besar dari apa yang dimiliki.
Untuk si susah mensyukuri limpah kurnia walau dirundung kesempitan.
Mengapa tuding jari pada Tuhan, kononnya tidak adil.
Dunia ini ibarat pentas, kita manusia adalah peneraju utama nya.
Hidup ini ibarat kertas putih.
Dan kita sendiri yang mampu mencorakkannya.
Tinggi nya engkau untuk ku capai.
Aku terus termanggu di bawah.
Memikirkan cara untuk sampai kepadamu.
Aku dongak lagi.
Dan setelah beberapa saat, aku tunduk.
Tertunduk dengan rasa bisa di muka.
Aku tertampar kembali ke dunia sebenar.
Mana mungkin aku akan sampai ke atas sana.
Hanya untuk mencapai sesuatu yang sangat berharga.
Kerana; aku tak layak
I don't want to go insane, crazy.
Yea logically, no lunatic will admit themselves as one kan.
If kita tangkap orang gila, dia pasti akan jerit, "Aku tak gila! Aku tak gila!"
So, in my situation, sometimes I think I'm turning into a lunatic.
In fact even some people around called me a psycho, gila and all.
Due to my mood swings, unstabled emotions and all.
But to me, all I need is a psychiatrist.
I'm still in a right mind, but just need something or someone to lead me more to the right path.
Some un-expected things happened.
Not just to me, I bet everyone out there must've something hidden beneath their smiles.
Skeleton in their closet.
One thing that I can't deny about myself is- I'm a constant thinker. And there are some advantages and disadvantages to that habit of mine.
But whatever it is, most of the times, it effects my whole mind set!
It even ruined people around me.
I'm only 21, and I really think I need to cut it all out, find the solutions so that it won't get worst.
Usually, things could've turned backwards.
Like now I care so much, and so I'm afraid that one day, I might not care at all. Do u get me?
It doesnt matter.
Thanks for reading, though.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
And I too, would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone, a happy and blessed new year..
Mine would be alot.
But honestly, even to some people; resolutions can be just talks.
And me, I'm not sure what my resolutions would be.
If I say I just want to graduate, I've been saying it since the last few months. And I'm still not sure if I'm capable to pass my finals.
Lose weight, same thing. I just need strength,- body and mind. Not just some talks.
What I'll do after graduation- _____________________blank__
In fact, does it really matters if someone decides to not get married?
Someone like moi.
What if I really dont have the feel or the urge to get married?
I dont want to get married.
Gua tak nak kahwin.
Ada masalah ke?
Saya dilahirkan tepat pada jam 9.59pagi pada tarikh 24 November 1987.
Waktu itu berat badan saya adalah 2.8kg, sekarang?
Tak usah ditanya. :P
Saya dilahirkan oleh ibu saya yang berketurunan Cina dan bapa yang berketurunan.....
jeng jeng jeng.... Melayu la ngok!
Jadi nya, saya dengan official dan rasminya (haha) me'label'kan diri saya sebagai seorang Cinayu.
Mendiang datuk saya iaitu bapa kepada mak saya, pernah bergiat dalam bidang photography ye tuan tuan dan puan puan. Yang ni, saya minat sama. Tapi sangat pasti tidak setaraf kehebatan mendiang datuk saya. Sangat jauh mungkin utk dibandingkan. Saya sendiri pernah membelek album album yang gila banyak di rumah keluarga Cina saya. Dan dapat lah saya lihat gambar gambar nenek Cina saya, yang diambil dan dicuci sendiri oleh tangan mendiang suaminya.
Btw, nenek Cina saya sampai sekarang masih bergetah! (Harus mintak tips!)
Jadi tidak hairan lah kalau gamba gambar di waktu muda nya memang menunjukkan kemantapan dan kejelitaannya.
Begitu juga dengan nenek Melayu saya yang pernah saya terjumpa gambarnya berkebaya ketat, dan kain nya jarang (see thru weh).
Mungkin di dalam ada pakai corset.
Tapi masih jarang!
Dan saya juga telah menyuarakan pendapat saya kepada nenek, "Ewahhh.. Dulu seksi ye.. Sekarang kalau anak dara pakai ketat, macam macam dikatanya. Macam sarung nangka la, apa la.." Dan nenek akan membalas dengan hilai tawa nya yang sangat mirip dengan ketawa nya si Popeye.
Selain itu, saya juga pernah menemukan sekeping gambar mendiang datuk Cina saya yang sedang memegang kad dan berlatarbelakangkan kad kad besar yang mengandungi bentuk spade, ace, etc. Dia juga memakai kot berkilauan dan rupanya, mama bilang, datuk saya pernah menyertai ahli silap mata, dan travel ke sana ke mari untuk membuat persembahan silap mata.
(Wowww a magician!)
Arwah datuk Melayu saya pula, pernah menganggotai sebuah kumpulan musik (indie band dulu2 la kot. hahaha) yang dianggotai juga adik beradik nya yang lain. Ye, ada bassist, guitarist, drummer, vocalist. Saya juga pernah tengok gambar mereka bersama band itu. Kehkehkeh..
Kesimpulannya, arwah dan mendiang datuk datuk saya sumpah hemsem! Yang Cina tinggi lampai dan slim. Haha.
Dan yang melayu, mempunyai riak wajah yang garang dengan misai nya yang lentik, tapi menurut cerita yang saya dengar, (since arwah meninggal waktu saya berusia 2bulan), arwah ialah seorang yang kelakar. Dan pernah juga, nenek nenek saya kata, saya ada terikut sikit ke-kelakar-an arwah datuk saya.
Ye, saya ingat, sedikit masa dahulu, saya pernah menjadi sorang budak yang suka buat lawak bodoh, tapi mampu membuat orang ketawa. Papa juga pernah menggelarkan saya, Mrs Bean.
Tapi entah, mungkin setelah masa beredar sedikit demi sedikit, dan persekitaran telah mengubah saya.
Dah jauh menyimpang ni.
Kesimpulannya, saya agak bosan dan pening dengan ulangkaji Business Maths saya, makin hujung muka surat makin membelitkan salur salur dalam otak saya ni.
Salam Maal Hijrah.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Happy 21st, and there's nothing else that I'd like to wish you other than may Allah bless you with good health, and a better and blessed future ahead.
Lots of love.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
It's either having your own ones, or keeping someone else's.
Especially, when it involves the person that you're trying super duper hard to not let them fall apart.
As for me, I've been living in denial when dealing with that kind of issues.
Apparently, some secrets has been revealed to me just in this one year. Not to mentioned those during the past years.
And for all this years, I've been keeping them safely,-ehm not really-since I've been struggling a lil hard to not let myself blurt them all out to the people who should be noted.
But, what will happened to the secret safer? Usually, they can't run away from getting involved unofficially.
Yes, it happened before.
Eventhough you have nothing at all to do with the damn issues, but you just got urself involved by listening.
Sometimes I wonder, how long will this last?
How long will it keep going on.
As far as I'm concerned, right at this second, I do feel like blurting some shits out.
But I guess I can still hold on to myself, just hoping that the person who's at wrong in this issue won't do something that he might regret.
Don't try to get at me like he usually do, or the volcano in me will erupt right on his face.
And I can say, he's the one who's created the monster in me.
The monster that's just waiting for the right time to roar and ready to cause a catastrophe.
A catastrophe that I myself, wouldn't want it to come- again.
In my life, I've always try hard to not live in hatred to anyone.
Any soul that I consider just as a soul afterall, just like me.
But sometimes, when it comes to this one particular person, I don't even know what's my real impression towards him.
I don't want to live with a feeling of hatred for him, or rage, or disrespect.
But, I will probably lose more respects for him.
Little by little.
You might think that you've been living this life longer as we have and that you know things better than we do.. But sorry mister, one very fine day, maybe God will prove you wrong. God will make you realise all those things that you've done, is just no good.
And the latest secret that I just found out about you, have just make things worse. And I dare to swear that I won't be keeping my mouth shut anymore, if u ever hurt me again. Gahh.. Wth hell am I talkin about, I have never have the guts to say bad things about you in your face! Once, yes it happened once in my lifetime which is just last few weeks??. But don't be surprise if it happens again.
I got a lil message for this person;
"Get a mirror, look in it. Before you shit on people, look in that damn mirror, that I hope will make you flash back all those shit that youve ever done in your life. Can you just get away with it? You wish! Deep down, I do feel sorry for you,I do know that i shouldn't hurt you in any way, but it gets harder when you don't feel sorry for yourself."
I know I have the confidence to not just talk the talk, I can walk the walk.
Not to boast or anything, but a few years back, I used to weight 62kgs.
That was the heaviest I've been.
Until there was this one shitty issue came up, that made me so strong and lost more than 8kgs. Lol. And nope, I wont tell my current weight. Saje je pun.
But really, I neeeeed to lose more and more weight.
Ok the real reason that I'm getting worried again is because I've been skipping my pilates routines for a few days already, and I think my stomach is growing bigger since I noticed how much I've turned myself back into a critical food lover.
Ok don't laugh Sabrina. That's where u're wrong, you dont take things seriously. Sigh.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
It's been so long since we last talked to each other.
It's been so long since you went away.
Just a few more days to go, it'll be 7 years since you...ehm.. passed away.
I hope you've been okay there.
I hope you're in a better part of the world.
I've always wished I could talk to you.
Sometimes, I could feel you close to me.
Especially when the world seemed to be on my shoulder.
Remember, once, you said this to me before you go- "I'll keep our relationship in vision- watching you from afar. if you wanna see me; If I'm not here anymore (dead). just close your 'sepet' eyes and picture me balling."
I think it's not wrong for me to miss you.
You used to be a part of my life.
Or maybe, you are indeed, still, a part of my life.
I never did go thru one day/night without having at least a single thought of you.
I even dreamt of you once, smiling at me, while you're lying down on the ground- with your body wrapped in white cloth except for your face. And I think of it as the last, sweetest smile that you left me with.
Faizal, I'm living my life.
I don't know if you're still alive, will we be together until this very night?
It'd be sweet if we did, kan?
Since you have never failed being sweet to me since the 1st day I received your letter.
Our love story was sweet. :)
We communicate through colorful letters, instead of emails or chatroom.
You drew me a flower, instead of date me and gave a real one.
You wrote my name using colorful inks and tried so hard to make it look beautiful.
Until, our first date. A very, very short one, indeed.
The cat must've got my tongue during that time. :)
And yours too. We were so shy.
And our second, last date.
It didn't went well.
I acted differently.
One week after that, the tragedy that took you away happened.
I guess God loves you more sayang.
Well, enough of all that.
Things happened, and it happened for reasons.
Have you met Adam?
He's my current boyfie. :)
Don't worry, he can't be jealous of you..
He always understand my situation when it comes to you.
"You see, I'm missing you everyday. So, don't run away from me, don't give it up- I want you to be the only one. For real, I ain't talking shit!
I'm having day dreams about you, even night ones. So if I died in my sleep, it won't hurts- But it sure taste sweet- coz in that dream, I'm with YOU.."
Those are the phrases that keeps playing in my mind every time. All the things you wrote to me. Most of them taught me a lot in life. Those words that I keep holding on to- those words that came from you.
You left me with so much hidden messages. I wish I could understand those DEATH signs that you wrote in the last few letters that you sent me.
I wish I received your last letter earlier. And that I could go there and rescue you. Stop you, from going. But, it's already too late. I can't turn back time, can I?
You're gone now.
But I know you're there, somewhere, watching me, smiling down on me.. And keep telling me everything's gonna be okay.
I AM, still here with you, Faizal. You are still there with me too. Eventhough you didn't die in your sleep, you didn't die while dreaming of being with me.
But the thought of being the last girl that you love; it enlightens me.
You might not be able to reply this, but I hope you're there, reading this, with a smile on your face.
I do miss you.
For those who has been following my previous old blog or my older posts from this blog page, I did mentioned about having a boyfriend who passed away right.
The month that brought a start to adding more tears in my life.
Like I allllwayss said, time flies real fast nowadays.
Is it just me, or it is really happening.
Can't believe that I am now a 21 years old.
A lady, to some people.
But deep inside, I don't feel that old.
Based on mentality; I have no idea, how can I describe my whole mentality, because most of the things we think about ourselves ain't gonna be as what people think of us as. Not how people see through us. Not how people see through me.
Just a few more days ahead, a brand new year will appear.
Some people has made plans to walk to their aims, some people, or to be exact, some people like me, are stil hanging on a cliff, waiting to be rescued or waiting for her mind to work and find a way to rescue her ownself from falling; lost.
So if count based on year, 2009 will make me a 22 years old girl. Oh no, it doesn't sounds right, does it? 22 years old lady..
Even typing it made me gulped a lil hard in the throat.
Seems like, those past few years that I've been thru has brought me quite a lot of obstacles.
And there were a few years that brought so much pain consecutively; each year.
I have always believe in BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE. And that is why I've chosen to live my life as it is meant to be. Honestly, if I was borned without knowing that we have God and all, I prolly would have killed myself last time. When I thought I couldn't face the burdens, and the pain I can't endure. There were those nights when I held a knife in my hand. With all those crazy silly things started to filled my head, without leaving an inch of space for the wiser part of me to conquer my whole mind set.
But as I am lying here on my bed, thinking again of all those intentions, I am indeed, very thankful for being here, still. I don't know what's in store for me next. Even in bahasa, we have this quote; bersusah susah dahulu, bersenang senang kemudian.
And nothing comes easy, I know.
In life, from my point of view, there is no such thing as living a sweet life from the very day u were borned, to the very day that you die. Even when you die, you'll die sweetly.
Even in love, there must have always been quarrels; big ones, small ones. Come to think of it, the bitterness will get us closer to life, to love.
So I'm living my life.
Keeping my head up. Like my late boyfriend used to tell me, "Always keep your head up.."
God has never been wrong.
He must've planned something nice for me.
Sooner, or maybe later. It just doesn't matter.
Because this is the fact of life, right?
Have a safe night everyone.
Friday, December 26, 2008
I can't wait to watch Bedtime Stories.
I just loveee fantasy/fairy tale movies..
Oh btw, this year's Christmas, macam dah kurang cerita yang berunsur kan Christmas. Pffft..
Last time selalu je ada Home Alone, Grinch, Richie Rich- banyak lah kan..
And... I kinda miss those old cartoons.
The first Lion King movie, Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Snow White, Pocahontas, Alice in Wonderland, Hansel & Gretel.. Lol..
Best kan best kan.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Do have a safe and blessed celebration. :)
And I've just received a news somewhere around 4 am, a bad one. one of my uncles texted me saying that my one and only left grand uncle passed away at 3 am.
Tok Yahya, that's what I called him.
3 yrs back, i used to have another grand uncle, whom I called Tok Dua, whom i've been living with since I was a kid.
Since my real grandfather passed away when I was 2mths old.
and my Chinese one passed away wayy years ago before that.
From staying at his place, until he stayed with us at this house that my father bought for the family, and until, he passed away of stroke on Sept 9th 2005.
That was the hardest moment in my life.
God knows how much i love him, how much everyyybody loves him.
He used to go all around town riding his bike, helping people sending wedding invitations to houses- without expecting anything in return.
He will be at the coffee shop after Subuh prayers, and sometimes someone will come and ask for his favor to help them paying bills, or sending this and that stuffs to someone else, and he'll say YES, a YES MAN he was. paid for his teh tarik, and straight away ride his bike again to do his chores.
He used to spoiled me, bought me my first bicycle when I was a kid.
took me on his bike, put me in his motorbike's basket and will take me to the malls.
just to buy me toys.
and he'll say, "jgn ckp dengan papa.."
maybe he's been told not to spoil me too much.
and when i grew older, he gave me money. since he and his wife has no child of their own, their nephews and nieces will give them money. and he'll give me some.
I know its not good to cry over a dead person.
but the day he died, or the very morning that my sis woke me up and said ATOK DAH MENINGGAL, and i had a lil trouble wondering which ATOK that my sis was referring to, when I should know which one, the closest one, the one that we still called ATOK.
And when I finally got my strength back, and i realised who my sis was referring to, i didn't cried at first, i walk back and forth in the living room, sat on the couch, and then i broke down.
it was somewhere around 4-5am, my dad came back from atok's house, where he was spending a few days at- his own house. where he was so excited welcoming his guests from sabah, he had a good and tiring days before that. taking his guests to the zoo, and some other places in melaka, taking photos.. Last ones...
until that morning, he was attacked by stroke.
dad and mom went to his place after receiving a call from the sabah guest, thought it was nothing.
and then they called the house, and told my sis the news.
when my dad arrived home, he called for me and my sis.
i was ironing my baju kurung, with tears dripping on the clothes.
he showed us my grandfather's card holder, one that he took with him everyday in his pocket with his wallet.
there was a picture of my dad, an old one, a picture when he was a little boy.
and papa said, "Tengok macamana dia sayang papa.."
And then he cried, my dad cried while hugging both of us.
We all cried in his arms.
it was a hard fact to be accepted.
When I arrived at his house, with all the relatives and neighbours already there, i was still crying, even when i tried to stop, to show some respects, it got even worse, it's like crying inside, and all the bones in my face started to hurt so much. i went into the bathroom, and called Bee, my bestfriend. I broke down again when i told her the news. they all knew tok dua, he has been a funny man to my friends, to everybody!
Even the pak imam, and the other mosque ppl said that the graveyard was filled with some sorta scents, like the smell of flowers as they were burying his body..
i recited surah Yassin twice for him.
I sat right opposite his body, and kissed his head a few times while reciting the surah.
even when im typing this right now, im crying.
i misses him more.
just a few days before he passed away, when he haven't went back to his place, i remember this one night. i did what i usually do, covering him with his blanket. but that night, he said this, "alah.... cucu atok. atok sayang kau. Tuhan panjangkan umur kau cu.."
He used to called me Adik, but that night he kept referring myself as CUCU.
a grand uncle, but one who gave me the real feelings of having a grand father.
and after he passed away, there was some times when Tok Yahya will come to my place or likewise. and i will salam him, and kissed his hand. and there was once, i ran into my room right after i kissed his hand. the smell of his minyak attar, reminded me so much of Tok Dua.
I sat in the room crying.
And today, I lost the person whom i thought was a shadow of tok dua.
and now, i can only remember them in my prayers.
Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke ats roh nya. Dan semoga roh nya diletakkan bersama roh roh orang yang beriman.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
And you know, I just thought of sharing.
Seandainya telah engkau catatkan
Dia milikku tercipta buatku
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Titipkanlah kebahagian antara kami
Agar kemesraan itu abadi
Dan Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengasihi
Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini
Ketepian yang sejahtera dan abadi
Tetapi Ya Allah
Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan
Dia bukan milikku
Bawalah ia jauh dari pandanganku
Luputkanlah ia dari ingatanku
Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengerti
Berikanlah aku kekuatan
Melontar bayangannya jauh ke dada langit
Hilang bersama senja nan merah
Agarku bisa bahagia
Walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya
Dan Ya Allah Yang Tercinta
Gantikanlah yang telah hilang
Tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah
Walaupun tidak sama dengan dirinya
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku
Pasrahkanlah aku dengan takdirmu
Sesungguhnya apa yang telah Engkau takdirkan
Adalah yang terbaik buatku
Kerana Engkau Maha Mengetahui
Segala yang terbaik buat hambaMu ini
Cukuplah Engkau sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaku
Di dunia dan di akhirat
Dengarlah rintihan dari hambaMu yang daif ini
Jangan Engkau biarkan aku sendirian
Di dunia ini mahupun di akhirat
Menjuruskan aku kearah kemaksiatan dan kemungkaran
Maka kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yg beriman
Supaya aku dan dia sama-sama dapat membina kesejahteraan hidup
Ke jalan yang Engkau redhai
Dan kurniakanlah padaku keturunan yang soleh
The doa, it touched till the deepest core of my heart.
Some of them do come true, right? No?
"There can be no great love without great pain.."
And they said.
And as far as I'm concerned, yes, many obstacles come and go in this relationship of mine. But for now, I'm still here. Still hoping for the best to come.
Seandainya telah engkau catatkan
Dia milikku tercipta buatku
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Titipkanlah kebahagian antara kami
Agar kemesraan itu abadi
And this; during the night time. But it might look nicer with snow huh.
That explains why I enjoy going to Singapore during Christmas eve. The Christmas parade and all.. I truly miss the feeling of it. Sigh. What fun it has been for me.
Ehm, I have not much to say about it anymore tho.
So let's talk bout something else.
Yesterday, I mean, Monday; I was having my lunch with my sis at the baba nyonya cendol place in Jonker street- yes the place that I keep on mentioning in my previous posts- my fav place to eat. And while I was waiting for my sis at the table, there was a bunch of guys, and a couple of hot ladies. There were whites, one of the girl look like a Mexican, and some Chinese and Malays wearing the same Tees; International Auto Show. And there were photographers too..
And then I noticed this big guy wearing black shades and cap, he was looking at me, and then I noticed something- it was Big Daddy. Lol.
A few hours later while I was at Dataran, I saw them again, and some people are queing for Big Daddy's autographs, photos, etc.
My real story is; Big Daddy makan cendol. :)
Hokkayyy.. What else.
Oh, I've got a new task for animation technique, which is, I have to build a model character. You know like model animation. I saw some ppl doing Ninja Turtle and the villain and all.
And since I have no more time and money to spend for this few days, I decided to use my 4 small bottles of play-doh. And I've decided to make- Doo Dolls. Hahahaha.. Monsters, cute ones. No specific shapes. I can shape them however I want to. Isn't it smart of me? Lol. And plus, for the background, I think I might use Christmas theme. A white Christmas. So, I only have to use some fluffs of cotton for the snow.
Oh, there are some cute Doo Dolls I saw at Rooms 1U, anyone kind enough to get me one?
Shame shame nye. Lol.
P/S: I's like to thank everyone who's been supporting me and keep trying to make me look on the brighter side regarding my stressness of the final project. Brothers, sisters, I thank you, all of you, right from the bottom of my heart. :)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
im in the library, arranging my project stuffs.
my lecturer is already here, and she mentioned about a report book, which i have no idea at all of. great.
i asked her for some time till i get it ready, she said she'll minus my marks. and i didnt bring my sketches. how nice.
im so damn pissed like hella pissed.
so gonna be dead.
so so so so so so feel like shit!
everybody's looking at my bunting, and my mannequin.
im the only who put my bunting with a stand. while everyone's sticking theirs on some spaces in this library.
whats wrong wey.
hahhahahahaha gua mati la.
3.20am, and I just finished my storyboard.
Hentam la weh.
Pinggang sakit, mata penat, leher lenguh, dah macam nenek kebayan dah aku.
Dah nak pagi?
Haha. ha. ha.
Pa, pinjam kereta. Kancil saya tak muat nak tampung bunting stand and mannequin saya. Haha heho.
Papa: Bolehhhh.. Boleh blah!
Saya: Alah, haritu papa pinjam kete adik boleh!!
Papa: Kete kau sape yang beli?
Saya: (tersipu malu) Papa le...
Papa: Habis tu nak berkira?
Saya: Heheeee.. TAKKKkk..
PERBUALAN DI ATAS ADALAH REKAAN SEMATA MATA. SESUNGGUHNYA BAPA SAYA SUDAH TIDUR, DAN SAYA LUPA NAK BAGITAHU YANG SAYA NAK PINJAM KERETA DIA YANG LEBIH PANJANG DAN SESUAI UNTUK MENGISI SEGALA JENIS TIANG. HAHAHAHHAA...
SAYA SEDANG CUBA MENTENTERAMKAN JIWA DAN RAGA INI YANG BAKAL PERGI BERPERANG DI MEDAN PERANG BERTEMPAT DI PERPUSTAKAAN COLLEGE COSMOPOINT MELAKA.
ALLAH SELAMATKAN KAMU.
ALLAH SELAMATKAN SAYA.
Hahaha.. Oh look, it's already 2.15am and I'm still up, staring at my 30 seconds ad's storyboard. Simply because, I haven't filled in those scripts, camera angles bla bla. Hahaha. Come laugh with me.
I don't think I wanna sleep tonight lah. I could prolly just stay up, keep on doing last checks on everything. Until, it's 7am, when I will take my shower, put on my white shirt and black slacks and try to look as apropriate as I could. Pft.
Most important of all, I hope by that time, all my courages are back on track and ready to be presented to people. Lol. Right at this second, I am not even sure what I'm feeling. A lil numb maybe. I did some last minutes preparations, and Alhamdulillah, it made me a lil less stressed.
PMS attacks. Plus this, plus that. What else can I say, Alhamdulillah.
Gotta go. Hee. I have to fill in those lines for my storyboards afterall. Oh and mr boyfriend dropped by my place just now and helped me out with some of my last min's preparations. Thanks love.
Monday, December 22, 2008
I think this is real.
I am chickening out.
My hands are so cold now, yah, even now.
Even when I have like, one more day.
But, that one very day must be running so fast for me.
Me, who's gonna have to present her project in front of, I dont know how many people will be watching me during that day.
God, how scarier can that sounds like kan.
Why oh why am I getting so freaked out with this presentation thingy?
Maybe because it's my final one?
Maybe because, I am indeed, one soul with very lack of self confidence?
Hokayyyy, I'm out!
Signed sealed delivered!
I mean the whole week, runing here and there, paying for this and that, expenses are running lower.
It seems like, it won't ever be enough.
Final project has been slashing my throat. I mean, got me so broke!
Or to be more precise, it got my parents broke.
Sigh, again and again I sigh.
Plus, it's no surprise that I'm getting worrier regarding my future.
It's not that I've been looking so far ahead, what I've been worried of would be, what will I do next after I finish college?
Shyeah, how the hell can you answer me when I myself can't.
Seriously, when I think it through, even right now, when I'm typing about my future, I just can't stop myself from sighing again and again.
Sometimes I can't even picture what will happen to me next.
Is that a sign?
A sign that means, God will take me away before I could live my future?
Lol. Such lame mentality you have, Sabrina.
Oh for heaven's sake!
I know my stupidity when I was schooling has got nothing to do with my future.
I mean, maybe a lil.
But everybody make mistakes, and as long as they have dreams, and work towards their dreams, with God's willing, we all could get to our dreams, right?
I'm not feeling well.
I got sick, and sicker every hour.
Just a few hours to go until my presentation.
Gahahahhah.. So yeah, you can stop wondering why the hell Im talkin craps like all the way since I started posting this post.
Goodbye Singapore's Christmas Parade.
Again, we have to postpone our date.
Yah, for the I-can't-even-count how many times already.
Goodnight pretty people.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
I've not been online for a few days, due to the hectic moments of my last minute preparation for the final project presentation on Tuesday.
And hell, I am so nervous.
But on the brighter side, I am indeed, very thankful on the progress.
All my preparations are now ready to be presented, but unfortunately not myself.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Err. I think she's still single. Right, cuzzie? Hee
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
It’s 8.30 am, and I’m still at the hotel.
Me and my sis woke up at 7am just now because mom told us to. We have a mingling session with Tunku Mahkota Johore (TMJ), and my dad is one of the 10 Wish Club Members that has been selected to go into the Palace and meet Tunku.
We had to get up early to catch our breakfast.
But my dad’s still getting ready now, in their room.
And I’m (again), typing in Microsoft Word, I do have another 1hr access, mom got it for me last night.
But I’m saving it for tonight, since Adam told me to do so coz he might be online tonight.
I’m listening to the Lullaby..
And I feel like crashing on the bed again.
I can see my bantal busuk waving at me.
It’s 8.34am already!!!
We might miss having our breakfast!
And suffer hungriness while meeting TMJ.
I don’t understand sometimes, why my dad used to take soooo long to get ready!
He doesn’t need makeup’s or what so ever!
Hey boyfriend. I miss you!
Oh wait, after meeting the TMJ, the 10 selected Wishes will be convoying to the Rumah Sri Kenangan with Him,and police escorts. I bet the road will be so smooth and clear :) ----------------------------------
It’s 4.08pm right now.
Just got up from a short nap after coming back to the hotel from Rumah Sri Kenangan- old folks’ home.
I stopped typing just now coz mom already rang our room’s bell.. And came down for breakfast.
Actually, what happened just now was, while we were having our breakfast, dad decided that me and my sis should follow Uncle Rahmat, which was one of the unselected ones- due to some GOOD reasons. :) And Uncle Rahmat came alone without his wife and kids.
We were actually glad for not having to go to the palace.
So we followed Uncle Rahmat and all the other cars-except for the selected 10, to the Rumah Sri Kenangan .
As we arrived at the old folks’ home, they already got the tents prepared.
And some of the old folks were sitting under another tent, all wearing green collar shirts with RSKJ written on the back of the shirt.
After a few minutes, as I got seated, I stared at the old folks, as I was sitting under the tent right next to theirs. And I felt so, ehm. I don’t know. A lil sad. Thinking that, some of them must be the unwanted ones. Sent by their own bloods, who refused to take care of them, who thinks that they are troubles. And how they feel, seeing all of us with families around. Kids, that might reminded them of their grandchildren. And I miss my late grandfather. I couldn’t imagine myself looking at any old folks that I know being sent to the place. Some of the folks look like they prefer being there than somewhere else. They have their friends, they have activities, they can take a stroll all by themselves. I witnessed that all.
And I tried as hard as I could, to convince some of them who looked me in the eye, that they are not UNWANTEDS. Some people, even not their blood and flesh, cares about them.
I watched one by one of them.
And I couldn’t bare the feeling of seeing sorrows in their eyes.
Seriously. I don’t know how they’re being treated in those places, maybe its not that bad, but still, sometimes, even we, prefer our own house rather than being in someone else’s.
Some are not even old enough.
I watched, and a couple of tears dropped.
And then I remembered that I didn’t put on my waterproof mascara. :)
So I quickly and carefully wiped those tears off.
TMJ then arrived with police escorts, and the 10 WCM’ers including my dad, at the back.
The other WCM’ers that didn’t joined the Royal convoy was already lining up next to the red carpet to greet TMJ.
And then, the partake session started.
Followed by distributing some food for the old folks.
And the contribution cheque receiving session.
Well, not much to tell about Rumah Sri Kenangan.. I just, I wouldn’t want to have to send my own folks to any old folks homes, as long as me and my sis are still alive. :)
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I'm already in my aunt's hotel.
This morning, me, my sis, mom and dad woke up at 6something, got ready and terus ke Sri Pentas TV3, where the convoy will be flagged off..
Uncle Zaki, WCM spokesperson was being interviewed by one of the TV hosts, and they aired it live on TV, my grandmom called and said she saw my mom on TV9.
We started the convoy after being flagged off by one of the 'org kuat' tv3/9, tak perasan. :) Coz I waited in the car.
We stopped by Ayer Keroh R&R, and I bumped into Shac. Lol. But I didn't go to him and said Hi or whatever. I just texted him saying that I saw him and bla2. He said he'll also be heading to JB for X Fresh event or something. IDK, sorry Shac if I heard u wrongly. :) But I have no time for a chat since we were all rushing as we were only given 30mins to get our lunch.
And the convoy continued, until Machap to meet up the JB and Singapore group.
As we arrived, we straight away checked in at M Suites.
And I'm now so pissed off with the wifi connection.
I took the 1hour access, and it's only available for the 1hr starting from the second I logged in.
So, eventhough its my aunt's hotel, I won't do anything to get my privilege. :)
Malu jugak kot.
Like taking advantage ke apa.
Orang tu pun nak buat business.
I ate alot!
A&W at the R&R, Cantonese Kueh teow downstairs, and we're going out again at 8pm.
And plus, I miss Adam!
I'll prolly be uploading the convoy pics when I got home.
Be safe everybody.
Friday, December 12, 2008
We went back to our mom's place.
And, it was raining.
Habis lengkap kilat petir ada guruh semua.
We were the only girls at the KTM station.
We talked, talked..
We ignored like 7 rounds of the train.
It was so crowded and theres no way I want to be squished by those people.
Yes seven trains come and go.
Then there was a couple of Bangladesh men, asked us where to buy the tix, we told them..
And then they came back and sat at the bench next to ours.
One of them were staring at me with this scary look, when I looked at him, he just look to the other side, with that stupid face!
I was in so much temper, I just said, "Ada kena tampar ni karang.."
He looked again and again, until I said, "Kau ni memang nak kena bunuh dengan aku ke?"
Then he started talking to his friend.
Man I was so pissed!!
I was carrying my notebook, a paperbag, and my slingbag..
And that was seriously my first time dragging alotta stuffs, and waited for hours just to get into the train.
In the end, we just had to go.
We pushed everybody, and got ourselves a place to stand in the train.
As what been told earlier, I’m in KL, still in KL.
And right now, right at this second, I’m sitting alone at Meal’s Station, waiting for my sis who’s now having her interview at Wisma UOA, upstairs.
Well ehm, I’m typing in Microsoft Word right now.
Because they don’t offer Wifi connection, okay now I need Dawood mapley..
I’m having a lil difficulties keeping my eyes opened..
I think we slept at almost 4am.
Me and my sis crashed at Lisz’s place.
So kind of her to let us crash.
And since she worked at 9.30 just now, and nobody else is at her place, we all have to get up early.
We called the cab and took it here.
Man, how I can’t stand this morning sunshine.
It’s just making my eyes closing more!
Some people are staring at me, I guess they wonder what I’m doing.
They might know that this place has got no internet connection.
Oh yes, there are some wifi connection detected, but too bad, yes they need passwords to access to their connections.
There were quite a lot of connections, and I couldn’t get thru any of them!
So before I decided to type this, I was designing some wedding invitation card for a friend.
But too bad, my mind is working a lil bit slower at this time.
Due to the sleepy eyes, and sleepy brain.
Even my notebook’s battery is running low.
Oh great, what the hell am I supposed to do, alone, not doing anything.
So what, I couldn’t survive being alone without my notebook?
Ye lah kot..
Please someone, meh sini teman saya!!!
I don’t feel like calling any of my friends to come accompany me.
It’ll be like using them.
Eh what am I doing, talking more nonsense?
Dah habis battery ni baru kau ada akal Sabrina.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I'm in KL now, accompanying my sis to her interview..
The best thing that happened today was, I get to eat my most missed junk food, Carl's Jr.
After yearsss since I last had it at Lake Garden, I finally get to taste their heavenly double western bacon cheeseburger! And I enjoyed every bite of it!
Memang la gua jakun..
Last time I came to Midvalley, I just accompanied my mom to Robbinson's, and we were rushing, no time to find good food.
Oh thank you God.
Is there anyone who has the idea of franchising Carl's Jr. to Melaka?
Please get me noted!
But like seriously, I missed having my meals at Carl's Jr. with some colorful birds messing around the table and our food at Lake Garden. And yes, that happened when I was a kid.
I often go for jogs at Lake Garden with my aunt, and then we had our breakfast/meals at Carl's Jr. Great workout ain't it?
Ok that's it for today.
Gotta crash a lil early, for my sis' morning interview!
Kenapa akuuuu kenaa bangun pagiiiii!!
Bukan akuuu yang nak pergi interviewwwwwwww!!!!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I am already getting sick and tired of going all around town working on my final project's stuffs.
Like seriously, I'm getting so bored already.
But what to do ey, I've been all the way here to my last semester.
How I wish, my mom, dad and my sis or to be precise,my fam will be there on my graduation day.
And witness me receiving my cert.
How does it feel to be in that graduation outfits.
But having them around..
It's like the greatest gift that I could ever wish for my graduation.
Oh wth am I crapping about la..
I do need confidence sometimes.
Eventhough I'm worried sick of my Business Maths and Animation Techniques subjects.
This is just the beginning I guess.
Life after graduation, oh I haven't got any ideas what will happen to me by that time.
Those ups and downs in life.
Oh and I've already sent the designs and tees to be printed.
Well, I had to chose iron on, because the tees that I bought aren't so convincing to be digitally printed.
It will easily expand.
And I have to go fetch a couple of mannequins from my aunt's boutique.
Oh but that won't be necessary for now.
I'll only be needing them for the day of the presentation itself.
11 more days to go..
what the hellllllllllll~
And this was the answer I got from one of the websites that offered dream interpretations.
An angel or spirit guide can represent the idea of receiving guidance, support, comfort, etc., or that you would like to.
Overwhelming circumstances in real life, feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, or something feeling out of control—or a fear of such things.
A house, apartment, flat, or any place of residence often represents you or your life, even if the dream residence does not resemble your actual residence. The events in the dream residence may represent events in your life. A house can also represent security, comfort, protection, familiarity, or belonging.
Also consider the mood and condition of the house (a dreary house might represent depression or sadness, a house with missing windows might represent personal boundary issues, etc.) and anything that particularly stands out about the house.
And honestly, I'm not satisfied yet with the answers. Might check some other sites. :)
I kept on losing track of time, and again and again I started to realise how far I've come.
After all that happened for 21 years.
And I'm still standing tall here.. (Tak la tall sangat. It's just like a quote or something. Gahh.)
My goals to achieve?
Get rid of the P sticker from my car?
Well, that should happened last week, but I didn't do it. :)
And that wasn't even a goal or achievement.
Main aim, would be, oh yes, for the one thousand four hundred and fifty five times, get the hell out of Cosmopoint College Melaka.
The college that changed my whole perception of having a good place to study.
It sucks. Big time!
And secondly, I aim to.....................
make a final decision what I wanna do next after I finished college.
Yes, I am indeed a lil lost.
My mind is like a notebook now.
Linking here and there.
And it ended up to stuffs that made me upset.
Yahhh.. Takde kerja, cari kerja..
I'm a negative minded woman.
That sucks right.
It's a good thing that no one in my fam is pushing me to do this or that.
They usually just listen to my plans, and if it sounded bad, they'll rectify my mentality.
And if it's good, they'll support me..
Oh no no, marriage is not on the list yet!
Tak malu la kau ni.
Sendiri cakap sendiri deny.