Sabrina - Vee Zalani

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Not Okay

Three days ago, i lost one of my close friends, Ira...

On friday around 1pm i received this whatsapp message from her number, but not from her. It was from Najla.

I called her straight away and she said Ira collapsed at work and was sent to the hospital where she was rushed to the ICU. Najla cakap Doctor bagitahu dia yang Ira tak ada harapan lagi.

My friends fetched me at home from the office and drove me back to Melaka, to the hospital as they don't think i would be okay driving in that condition. She has been admitted to the CCU ward by the time i arrived. Yes, critical condition unit. Sampai luar ward, aku nampak ramai kawan kawan kerja dekat luar bilik Ira. I felt so weak, aku tak pasti aku cukup kuat atau tak untuk tengok dia dalam keadaan tu. but i tried to be strong and walked towards the room.

And there. I saw her lying down, with that machine, with tubes all around her body, tube from her mouth. And there. I broke down, sangat sakit tengok dia dan dengan pantas tanpa toleh belakang aku terus keluar dan nangis. My friends comforted and confronted me to go inside again, diorang cakap Ira pun mesti nak jumpa aku. And diorang suruh aku kuat. For a few minutes i was out there, with Ansari, her boyfriend. It got even worst but i decided to go back inside afterall.
Of course i still cried. Aku pegang tangan Ira. Sejuk sangat. Tapi aku bisik dekat telinga dia. "Ira, bangun Ira.. Aku balik ni dowh.. Ira aku tau kau kuat.. Bangun Ira." But she never responded to me, she never responded to anyone. Najla came. Najla told her the same thing. "Ira bangun... Kitorang tau kau kuat Ira. Ira vee balik ni bangun la Ira.." No response.

We went out.. We cried. I was supposed to meet her the next day.. Aku cuba sedapkan hati sendiri. Ira kuat, ira akan sembuh dan aku tetap dapat lepak dengan dia esok tu...

We stayed until it was almost 1ish am. Because we were told that the specialist will come at 12am.. Dia nak bagi Ira bius.. Tapi.. If Ira tak bagi apa apa response, he might have to pull out the wires, from the machine..... Dan.. Ira takde la.

I thought of staying around with Ansari. Looking at his condition. He said "kenapa dia tak reply BBM aku?" "Ira ada kat rumah.. dia tengah tidur."

I cried a lot since i called Najla until that night. My face started to ache so badly. Aku tak ada selera langsung nak makan and i ended up minum susu HL je itu pun aku paksa minum untuk alas perut. Tapi lepas tu kena balik sebab aku tak ada transport if apa apa. So Najla sent me home. And she went home as well. We told Ansari to please inform us on any updates..

When i reached home i was so fucking weak. I don't know what to do. I kept on crying in my room. I kept updating about her all over facebook, her pictures on instagram. I even tweeted her, telling her to stay strong and wake up.

Aku takut aku terlelap. I forced myself to stay awake.. My face was in so much pain. I just can't fall asleep. I was terrified. I wanna be kept updated.

But i failed. Aku terlelap. Until 7ish am my dad knocked on my door. I figured what he was gonna tell me. He said my sister called him and asked him to wake me up..... Because.... 
"Kawan kau tu dah meninggal." I said "oh,okay."
Shut the door, and i broke the fuck down! 

Checked my phone. 37 missed calls. With smses, whatsapp messages. Najla, my sis, Serap. She was gone at 5am. And one of the messages was the one that Najla told me "Ira is gone." And they're going to take her body back to Jb. I couldnt make it of course.

At 11ish, my friends from Cyberjaya came to Melaka, picked me up and drove me to Jb. Aku tak sempat sampai waktu kebumi. Sampai rumah Ira. Pergi kubur with my fellow ex colleagues from the hotel.

Thinking that it was my friend, buried right there. Lifeless. Wow. I was with her the night before. When she was lying unconscious. I held her hand and told her to be strong, but she has already been buried. Wow. Ansari said to me, "Vee jom balik melaka ambil Ira dekat rumah." Damn.

Ira has been such a good friend to me. Pernah tidur sekatil sebantal. Masak sama dekat rumah aku. Makan sama. Peluk cium. Kerja sama sama. Dia tunggu aku, aku tunggu dia nak rehat sama sama. Too much memories.

Ira.. Aku nak kau tahu yang aku akan rindukan kau sampai bila bila sayang. Aku sayang kau Ira. Terlalu cepat kau tinggalkan kitorang. Kenapa kau tak cakap kau sakit Ira.

Tapi aku percaya, Allah lebih sayangkan Ira.. Ira baik.. Ya Allah. Kau kuatkan lah kami dan keluarganya untuk menerima hakikat ini Ya Allah.

I am so bad at handling deaths. Especially of my loved ones. I died a thousand deaths.

Al Fatihah

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Dah pandai :)

Saya dah pandai masak!~ Yeayyyy!!!!!!~ 

Friday, February 15, 2013


Sampai lah ke tahun ni, aku diduga dengan mulut mulut yang cuba binasakan aku. Yang tak habis habis menjaja cerita pasal aku walaupun cerita-cerita yang mereka sendiri tak pasti akan kebenarannya.

Aku percaya Allah hantar mereka mereka ni hanya sekadar untuk menduga aku.
Aku tak pernah nak doakan keburukan pada mereka. Sebab walau sejahat mana pun aku, aku tetap percayakan kuasa Allah.

Untuk anda anda yang tak habis habis membuli aku, terima kasih.
Memang korang beruntung sebab aku ni jenis pendam dan sabar je walau apa pun yang korang buat kat aku.
Aku memang dah lama praktikkan satu prinsip ni dalam kehidupan aku "biar orang buat kita, jangan kita buat orang."

Tuhan maha adil.

Untuk segala fitnah fitnah yang korang dah tabur kat aku, aku cuma mampu balas dengan Alhamdulillah.. dan Terima Kasih

Wha? Katy and BadgalRiri

Monday, February 11, 2013

Happily awake......NOT

Yes welcome to my 3rd sleepless night.

This is so wrong! God knows how much i wanna sleep! I wanna be sleepy and fall asleep! But i can't! And this is killing me.
Literally, killing me!

If i have my painting stuffs here, i might be painting and come up with a super extraordinary masterpiece. And i'll name it - Insomniac.

Or maybe i'll just grab a pen and start doodling on my mom's bedroom wall? Or maybe the living room's hall? Or maybe i'll just go doodle on my car?

Dad's 49th Birthday

Ohhhh since im in the mood to write, i think i might write on the surprise birthday party that i threw for my dad on December 15th last year (sounds like it has been a long time but it was just like what, 2 months ago je kan?) haha.. Ok this is gonna be quite a long one.

On December 15th 2012 (my dad's birth date), Wish Club Malaysia had their XXX Charity Drive benefiting the Aqsa Syarif save Gaza foundation to Johor Bahru. and like our previous trips to JB, kitorg crash at aunty's hotel.

On the midnight of his birthday, papa dah ditepungkan by his fellow WCM friends. Since the convoy took place at Sepang International Circuit as the starting point, so papa datang sini ke Nilai to crash for a night before the convoy. But saya dan kakak decided that kitorang taknak wish papa. And that was the first time ever actually, since we never missed texting him every year to wish him a Happy Birthday.

Pagi before convoy, i got up earlier than my dad but punya la sedih sebab tak wish dia, i decided to stay in bed sampai papa keluar so that tak bersemuka dengan papa. All he knew was that i had to be at a Christmas bazaar in Cyberjaya that i took part on.

After he left, saya dan kakak bergegas siap since kitorang taknak terserempak with the WCM convoy kat tengah highway nanti and kitorang siap kena ke bangi to fetch our friend, si Serap who decided to join us for the so-called trip.

Ada some of the WCM members tahu about our plan and memang boleh dikatakan ada komplot la masa tu. hahhaha..

So after jemput Serap, kitorang pun terus started our journey and made a pitstop at RNR ayer keroh for bathrooms and then we've been informed that the convoy was also stopping at RNR ayer keroh. But luckily diorang naik to restaurant jejantas while kitorang dekat bawah. So we actually had to wait for the convoy and bagi diorang lepas dulu baru kitorg boleh sambung perjalanan. Siap sorok bawah meja bagai la jugak masa convoy mula turun dari jejantas tu.

Then alhamdulillah during the drive everything went smoothly. Kitorang sempat lepas dulu masa WCM convoy berhenti dekat Machap and sampai dulu dekat M-Suites before them..

After checking in, me and my sis had lunch with Aunty Muna, Uncle Rahman and the kids at Maio while serap rest kat bilik dia. I parked my car dekat kawasan tersorok jugak la dekat perkarangan Maio tu. yang bestnya when aunty called papa, papa cakap dia pun nak park sana. Haha so my aunt rushed to the lobby to meet him and entah macam mana he decided to park at his usual parking spot at the hotel,- at the entrance hahaha..

Okay so for his surprise party, i decided to be a clown. And my sis was supposed to be a santa. So my cousin Afnan and their driver took me kakak and Serap to the party store at the mall and i managed to get myself some facepaint, a clown's nose and the costume as well. Bought a mask for my sis so she could cover her face because being a santa, with just that beard, papa confirm akan kenal dia haha..

Went back to the hotel, took our short naps and bangun siap2 conteng muka sambil2 update dengan kawan2 papa yang tag team with us. Btw kitorang celebrate kan birthday Uncle Zaki jgk.. So uncle Abbas akan buat2 ajak diorang dinner at Maio. Kelakar sebab at first they were planning to have asam pedas for dinner. And suddenly from asam pedas, uncle abbas cakap teringin makan pizza. Because the party was held at M-Suites' Maio's Italian Restaurant.

Before saya dan kakak saya sampai kat Maio, some of the WCM members yang dijemput and terlibat tag team tu dah pun tunggu dekat Maio and supposedly after kitorang sampai, then uncle abbas akan bawa papa n uncle zaki masuk ke Maio. Uncle Rahman, aunty Muna, and their kids Amnie, Yanie and Afnan pun ada masa tu. they still managed to join us for the party eventhough diorang punya flight to London was scheduled early in the morning the next day tu.

So after saya dan kakak sampai kat Maio, siap with our costumes and all, pasang candles and pegang cake, papa pun masuk. He didnt noticed anything sebab dia masuk2 terus greet uncle Rahman and the fam, until someone sang the birthday song and he looked behind him..

Lol the original plan was, kakak pegang cake and jalan towards papa while i was supposed to be clowning around or dancing or whatever. But entah kenapa i got so emo nemo looking at my dad, teringat yg tak wish dia bagai, saya sorok tersipu2 belakang kakak and then meleleh air mata pulakkk. Hahahhaa..
When we stopped in front of papa with the cake, someone told him to take off the mask from my sis and he was surprised indeeed! He hugged and kissed her head. Haha then ofcourse he knew i was the clown. When he hugged me i cried even harder while resting my clown face to his chest hahahha stupid clown!

And then we all settled down and had dinner courtesy of Aunty Muna..

Overall it went kinda smoothly nasib baik takde sape kantoi. But lepas tu baru la papa ingat2 balik siapa yang during convoy yang buat awkward and time tu baru masuk akal. Those yang melambat2kan keadaan, etc. hahaahha uncle zaki pulak dia ingat dia tag team for papa je, dia x tahu nama dia pun atas cake and we intended to surprisekan dia jugak..

After dinner kitorang lepak borak2 kejap dekat luar Maio and then me and my sis head back upstairs and hantar a box of Maio's pizza to serap. We went back to our room when Serap called tiba2 and suruh kitorg dtg bilik dia kejap dia nak tunjuk something. Agak scary la cara dia cakap tu..
Sampai je bilik dia tiba2 Ghafur sergah kitorang!! Haha pernah tengok clown terperanjat? Haa that was how i looked like masa tu. he actually drove alone all the way to jb after work to join us! In fact that was his first ever visit to JB! Haha..

Pastu kitorang balik bilik siap2 and lepak danga bay with them guys.. Oh yea here are the photos.

5.30am now. Please God make me sleep

Sunday, February 10, 2013

In to the som N.I.A

I guess my body clock is just so used to be working from midnight til' morning that im having trouble sleeping during the weekends and holidays like right now. And i mean sleeping at night like normal people.

Working in the graveyard shift aka supermorning shift aka midnight shift, we sleep during daytime. We've been called zombies as well.

It has been 2 nights in a row now ive been seen flooding the twitter timeline at this time of hour and im not proud of it hahaha.

Good thing about yesterday was when i really failed to sleep, i decided to go to the office and did some tardiness replacement. Managed to join my friends (Izzy, Nadia, Wawan, Alia and Epa) for lunchbreak at Padi and it reminded me so much of those days when i was still in the morning shift. Going out with them for lunchbreaks on Saturdays, rushing to get back to the office on time. Doing stuffs together and i mean not by myself- i used to do stuffs and go to places alone at midnight shift. Getting used to it...

But all is good. Still get to chill with my fellow friends though. Still managed to squeeze some time for them either during the weekends or during weekdays when they're done with their shift.

Yeap. All is good.

Right. It's 4.37am now. Demit.

Friday, February 8, 2013

One FC: Return Of Warriors

Happy 2013 everyone!

It's been quite awhile since i last posted anything on my own updates, what's new and what's gone. Lol. (I've lost someone that was once my very very bff- but what's done is done)

On June 25th last year i did a posting on the One FC Destiny Of Warriors event that i attended at Stadium Negara, and guess what?
I went to another One FC event that was held last week, February 2nd at Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil. It was called the One Fc: Return Of Warriors.

My friends attended a wedding ceremony before the event so they decided not to be the One FC superfans like what we were last time lol. It was exhausting, super tiring but i had so much fun being the superfan! But since i don't wanna be alone down there, i decided to join my friends seating and just watching the fights (not really. Even not being superfans, we actually did jumped around, screamed and shouted and cheered). Lol. Malaysia's own Adam 'Shogun' Kayoom and Peter Davis won again, after last year's winnings. And yea ok. Since i was not a superfan, i was not given the privilege to be down there and actually stay up close with the fighters.
I wanted to meet Adam again like so badly just to congratulate him and to let him know that he fought well and on the great short speech he gave after his victory over Zuli Silawanto.
So when the event ended, the management team were chasing people out of the building and i talked to the bodyguards and all please let me meet Adam just for a quick hello and atleast 1 photo! But then their boss came and said that fighters gotta get back inside and get ready to leave.

I went out of the building feeling so disappointed and i told my friends to get the car and i'll just wait somewhere outside of the building. While waiting, something in my heart told me to walk a lil further and look down. I walked a lil further from where i stood up waiting, and there was a long staircase. It took me a few minutes before i actually decided to go all the way downstairs. But yes i did. After the staircase, i ran on a pathway where i saw some people wearing tags and all. Then i walked a lil further and there i saw a few buses. I talked to this guy and told him that i wanted to meet Adam. And he said "sure.. U can even meet all of them." yeap he said that! And i was such a fool i said "no its ok i don't wanna trouble u. Just Adam would b okay." Hahaha!
A few minutes later Adam came down from one of the buses and we met again. Yayness. I took my chance. I congratulated him and he gave me his humble bow, we shook hands and settled with some pics.

Well okay enough about Adam.

Overall, im not sure if the difference is just because we weren't down there as superfans, but i think most of the fights were kinda slow and boring. Some of the fighters decided to play safe or whatever i don't know hhahaha. And yes, thinking of my determination to meet Adam again, it reminds me of that right way to live my life. When you want something, as long as there's willingness and determination, nothing is impossible. I never did gave a damn even after some of the security people told me that the fighters already left, i wasn't allowed in the restricted are. And yet I got what I wanted. Hell yeah!

Heard that they're coming back again in KL in November. I'll be there!