Thursday, December 29, 2011

Sabrina.

You know, 9 years ago, I was very much in love. I was 15… And dia pun umur 15 tahun jugak.. We were young, indeed. So young. During that time, technology canggih2 ni semua dah wujud dah, you know, such as mobile phones, internet and all.. But we actually communicate thru letters.  Saya di sekolah perempuan. Methodist Girls Secondary School.. And he was from Sekolah Menengah Sultan Muhamad. Sekolah lelaki.. Kami guna kawan kawan jadi messengers. We were so in love, it’s obvious through what’s written in our letters.
After meeting him only twice, God actually took him back. Away from me. Away from his family and friends. Yes He loves Faizal more. Believe it or not, sampai saat ni saya masih bayangkan Arwah sebagai lelaki yang mungkin paling mampu buat saya happy, and takkan sakitkan saya…
But, how can we deny fate and destiny,.. And in this case, how can we deny DEATH?
And then I met a couple of other men… Some hurt me so much by their passion for cheating, kepuasan dalam berlaku curang, dan yang tak pernah cukup dengan seorang perempuan yang jelas jelas terlalu sayangkan dia. Well, at least I’ve been through it, I know the feelings, and never would I want to be in that very same, painful spot again..
The last one, we were good friends. Rapat sangat. Sumpah dia seorang kawan yang sangat baik. He was there when the “cheater” left me for another girl. He was there when I was in need. Always there.. I tried to avoid having any feelings towards him. I mean perasaan lebih dari kawan, eversince I heard my friends told me that he’s falling for me. I kept being so denial.. But unexpectedly, one day I actually felt like I should give it a shot. He waited for me. So patiently, sambil buktikan pada saya yang dia akan selalu ada dengan saya. And I thought, having a bestfriend to be my boyfriend is gonna make him a very understanding boyfriend to me.
The first few days were fine… Sampai la dia start cemburu membabi buta. And I could actually consider myself abused. Long story. But you know, to be honest, I feel like, sakit sakit tu semua takkan boleh buat saya padam sayang saya pada dia.. I kept going back..
Saya selalu rasa macam, kita patut tempuh je apa yang datang tak kira sakit macam mana sekalipun. Biar kita terhantuk sendiri.. Biar kita serik sendiri.. Biar lah walaupun setiap hari nak kena berendam airmata.
Tapi sampai satu tahap, sabar saya dah terhabis guna… Hati rasa penat. Semuanya rasa tak berbaloi dan tak ada makna apa apa lagi.. And everything seems to be out of place.
Love can really make us do crazy things. Make us turn into someone we’re not. Love is risky. Very risky. Dan hakikatnya, tak ada apa dalam dunia yang sempurna, Tak ada apa dalam dunia yang akan kekal selamanya.
And being patient is always the very best thing to do, patience is the best thing to have. Patience is the best thing to hold on to. And also faith. What’s meant to be is meant to be.
For me, I’ve been given the name SABRINA for a reason, I’m sure of it.  Because Sabrina means Sabar- Patience. And patience is strength. I believe I’m strong and I can be stronger.

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