Sabrina - Vee Zalani

Friday, November 27, 2009

One long message.

.:Don't you chase me too fast....
Because I'll be running faster.....
further away from you.:
Trust me on that. I know myself better.. In fact, as a normal human being, this is what I am supposed to feel with what's going on between 'you' and me.. Nobody likes being pushed. Especially to do something that we are unwilling at all to do..
You put so much hopes in me too soon..
And that was the part where you stepped onto the wrong track. I like you, I even told you that earlier during the first few days that you came into my life. I am so very sure to say that; NEVER, ever, did I mentioned the word love to you before.
The way you like me is freaking the hell out of me already. It was all so nice and all at first.. It all started after your regard sent to me, and then you told me that you like me. And I also said the same thing to you.. But.... I remember clearly what I said, you do have good looks; features, and the most exciting part is, you have one of the criterias that I like in a guy which is the serious and cold expression and from that expression of yours got me guessing and kept wondering about you. Like, WTH is wrong with this guy. But still, that's the reason that you got my attention and how I started to notice your existence. Seeing you passing by me without smiling or atleast a simple Hi got me guessing that you must be having some kinda issues with me. Having you approaching me, got me surprised.
.....when you said you like me, it made my day and I accepted it with arms wide opened.
But............... can you please tell me, when you actually said you LOVE me;......
Where on Earth did that feeling came from? How the hell can you simply say you love me when you didn't even know me??
You said you've fallen for me eversince the first day that you set your eyes on me. You said I look cute and sweet. So obviously, those are just my outerlooks right. What about my whole self? What's in me? Sweet? How do you know? You should think more than twice to proposed me to be your girl; which; gave me such a shock!! You said that you like me because I'm down to earth, shy and a quiet girl? OMG. You should've seen me when I'm gaving my people around! I can burst out into very loud laughters as if I've been possessed! And you ever heard me swearing here and there whenever I'm driving, rushing to work when the other drivers got me pissed off? See, you just don't know me at all to even atleast say you LOVE me!
So maybe, if I actually agreed to hook up with u and became your girl the other day, tomorrow or then you might dump me after seeing my true colors. And then you might say, "If only I knew your attitude's like this earlier.......(yada yada).." and more bullshits to come. :)
Plus, you're 1 year younger than me. To be honest, I got pissed when you said that you don't give a damn if I'm older than u are and all. What's with the selfish attitude? Yes I do know, and agree that age is just numbers and it all lies in the hands of fate. But your attitude got me stressed out- pushing me, u're starting to act like you're my man-and you kept triggering me, psychoing me by saying that you know that you're not good enough for me, not qualified to be my man-etc etc; now those are just so immature, childish, and make me take our gap of age issue seriously. Your childishness will automatically keep myself away from you. It's diff if you're younger but owns a mentality that's beyond your age and that I can cope with.
So excuse me, young man.. Please treat me with more respects rather than forcing me to love you and have the same feelings that you're having for me.It's just so damn wrong. I am indeed, a person who will keep on trying to please everyone around me, and I can be nice as long as I'm able to. Just don't cross the line. There's a borderline.
You said that you'll be frustrated if I might reject you. You agreed to be friends, so what's up with the rejecting & frustrated thingy? Do you expect me to agree being your girl just because I sympathize and I don't wanna hurt you?
--To be really honest, I do feel a lil overwhelmed when they said this is the first time they ever saw you approaching and fall head over heels over a girl.I felt special. But; I apologize if I got this wrongly; sometimes it's obvious that you're getting a lil obsessed over me and it makes me feel extremely bad. And it's also clear to see that you're already putting so much hopes in me which I've warned you earlier not to.
.:First of, I am a 22 years old lady who has been thru alotta ups and downs. Be it in relationships, or life. At my stage right now, I don't need these kiddy kinda stuffs to get stucked up on my head, add up more mess and stress me out.
:.I tried to be as nice as I could, got things clearly as a crystal to you as nice as I could. But it just seemed that you chose not to listen.
So... On that day when I might actually hurt you; I hope you'll remember every single thing that I've said to you; about not putting hopes in me.
.:Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm being picky, fussy or whatever.^I have been 'there' before. Been in love, been on that love boat for years. It was a long, serious, dramatic one. One that I used to truly cherished and adored. But fate has done it's part by showing me the truths. And truth hurts;no doubt. It's been written this way and the love is long gone.
:.So for my future, I guess I have the rights, and it's not wrong for me to wait and one day I might be in search for what I've been dreaming for. I want to atleast try to fulfill my own dreams. Doesn't matter what it's regarding of; marriage, luxuries, career-etc.
Because to me, I'm still a young lady with a longer journey to be explored and go through.
.:I am not sick of love. But the feeling of love that I used to have with me is still on a long vacation. So let it be. I don't even want it to come back yet. Afterall, I'm actually happy with the current life that I'm leading without having the love around.
:.And with these kinda issues keep bugging me, soon I might be sticking a note on my forehead which says; PLEASE DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH ME. YOUR CO-OPERATION WOULD BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED. THANK YOU.
:::..i am just not ready yet to get back on that love boat. i want to be here for now..:::'s not even that important; to be in love.::

1 comment:

Yohana Tawith said...

We're at the same situation..
just that i takde la org obsessed with me sgt.
just that, i'm so happy to be single.. and not ready to be in a relationship...