Friday, September 11, 2009

Fresh tears dripping down.


"Please have a thought

To raise both of you all these years with me might not be the best moments both of u had...and I am sorry for that. As for me, both of u r always my babies n its always hard 4 me to accept both of u have grown up and letting both of u go is always my worst nightmare after being with both of u all these while."
Taken from an email sent to me; from my dad.


Friends, do u agree, if I said; even a murderer, will quit murdering when his son/or daughter tells him to do so?

Papa,

I admit, as a normal kid, sometimes the word 'hate' did came out from my mouth everytime u made me felt down and didn't approved me to do this and that.

But I swear to God, never did I meant it. NEVER.

I know you know how close you and I were when I was that little girl that you piggiebacked, the little girl that you tickled and teased until she cried, the little girl who bought a small box of raisins and wrapped it with a piece of cartooned wrapping paper and gave it to you on your birthday just because she can't afford to buy you anything much.
The little girl who easily cry even being scolded for a tiny mistake.

The last child of our small fam, is me.
I've always thought that I will always be the blacksheep of the fam.
And it was hard for me to try to be somebody else.
After primary school I got so lazy to do my homeworks, mixed with the wrong crowd and started to fail in numbers of subjects.

I failed to be a smart daughter to you.

One that you could be proud to tell people about.

I was embarassed myself when my cousins are now all around the world pursuing their dreams, studying in numerous countries, France, Machester, Aussie; u name it.

Universities.

While me?

I have a diploma, but I never have the heart for it because it was never my interest to study what I've studied there. I'm not blaming you everytime I said I went to that college because you didn't let me go to the college that I wanted to go. No.
But just simply to let you know, how much I love you that I am willing to sacrifice my own needs.

We; you, mama, kakak and me: we been thru alot. Like alot.
Alot like those people who's been talking never did know before they decided to talk.
They can say whatever.
Because in the end, it will be the four of us standing up for our rights as a family.


All the dark pasts we had, it's all obstacles that God created to keep us closer.
Trust me.
All those pain that we felt all along, I somehow believe that it's a key to something better that's coming ahead of us.

And, yes.. We will always be your babies. Even until we get married, even until we die or when the world comes crashing on us. No one, on this earth can replace you in our heart and our life.
I don't need to promise you on that because I know it's a fact.

Friends, boyfriends, enemies can come and go from my life.

But my family, especially you, mom and kakak; I promise that we'll stick together no matter what happened...

I, might not be that daughter who makes u proud before.
But, there's a promise that I made to myself that I wont be bragging about for now, as I meant for it to be proven.

I messed up, here and there.
I'm gonna be 22 in a few months time.
And yet, I still don't even know how to cook.
I'm more like a boy; some says.
And trust me, it's not a good thing for even myself to hear.
Being away from you for now, I intended it to be a path that I took, to make myself learn to be independent. As some people started to call me a spoiled brat, etc etc.

I hate it.

And its hard. Living on my own, standing on my own feet.
But I'm still here, still trying.
And believe me, it will benefit all of us- at least on that one very fine day.


WE ARE ALWAYS AROUND. WE WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER BE WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT. I DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE TOLD YOU ABOUT ME COZ I BELIEVE THAT YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THEY DO. SO JUST LIKE ME, YOU DONT HAVE TO BOTHER WHAT THEY GOT TO SAY ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE ARE YOUR BABIES, AND YOUR BABIES KNOWS YOU BETTER EVEN WE DON'T TALK THAT MUCH- WE DON'T NEED TALKS. WE ARE FAMILY. YOU ARE MY FATHER. AND THE FACT REMAINS THAT WAY EVEN AFTER THE SECOND THAT I EXHALE MY LAST BREATH.

1 comment:

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