Saturday, December 27, 2008

Mail for the dead 1

Assalamualaikum Faizal.

It's been so long since we last talked to each other.
It's been so long since you went away.
Just a few more days to go, it'll be 7 years since you...ehm.. passed away.
I hope you've been okay there.
I hope you're in a better part of the world.

I've always wished I could talk to you.
Sometimes, I could feel you close to me.
Especially when the world seemed to be on my shoulder.
Remember, once, you said this to me before you go- "I'll keep our relationship in vision- watching you from afar. if you wanna see me; If I'm not here anymore (dead). just close your 'sepet' eyes and picture me balling."

I think it's not wrong for me to miss you.
You used to be a part of my life.
Or maybe, you are indeed, still, a part of my life.
I never did go thru one day/night without having at least a single thought of you.
I even dreamt of you once, smiling at me, while you're lying down on the ground- with your body wrapped in white cloth except for your face. And I think of it as the last, sweetest smile that you left me with.

Faizal, I'm living my life.
I don't know if you're still alive, will we be together until this very night?
It'd be sweet if we did, kan?
Since you have never failed being sweet to me since the 1st day I received your letter.
Our love story was sweet. :)
We communicate through colorful letters, instead of emails or chatroom.
You drew me a flower, instead of date me and gave a real one.
You wrote my name using colorful inks and tried so hard to make it look beautiful.
Until, our first date. A very, very short one, indeed.
The cat must've got my tongue during that time. :)
And yours too. We were so shy.

And our second, last date.
It didn't went well.
I acted differently.
One week after that, the tragedy that took you away happened.
I guess God loves you more sayang.

Well, enough of all that.
Things happened, and it happened for reasons.

Have you met Adam?
He's my current boyfie. :)
Don't worry, he can't be jealous of you..
He always understand my situation when it comes to you.

"You see, I'm missing you everyday. So, don't run away from me, don't give it up- I want you to be the only one. For real, I ain't talking shit!

I'm having day dreams about you, even night ones. So if I died in my sleep, it won't hurts- But it sure taste sweet- coz in that dream, I'm with YOU.."

Those are the phrases that keeps playing in my mind every time. All the things you wrote to me. Most of them taught me a lot in life. Those words that I keep holding on to- those words that came from you.

You left me with so much hidden messages. I wish I could understand those DEATH signs that you wrote in the last few letters that you sent me.
I wish I received your last letter earlier. And that I could go there and rescue you. Stop you, from going. But, it's already too late. I can't turn back time, can I?
You're gone now.
But I know you're there, somewhere, watching me, smiling down on me.. And keep telling me everything's gonna be okay.

I AM, still here with you, Faizal. You are still there with me too. Eventhough you didn't die in your sleep, you didn't die while dreaming of being with me.
But the thought of being the last girl that you love; it enlightens me.

You might not be able to reply this, but I hope you're there, reading this, with a smile on your face.
I do miss you.

Rest In Peace
Al Fatihah
Mohamad Faizal B. Hassan
14 April 1987-30 August 2002

No comments: